How to Make Friends For Those With ADD and Other Learning Disabilities.

Making friends when one has Attention Deficit Disorder or some other learning disability, it is very difficult to make friends. The problem is that, despite the plethora of books on the topic, those books don’t cover many of the real issues. This article is for those that have battled to make friends for as long as they have been alive. Making friends is important. Keeping friends is also vital. So, this arti.cles also deals with how to keep friends. Forming friendships when one has ADD or a latent learning disability can be done  quickly and easily once one approaches it with understanding.

It IS You Despite What Some Say
Sometimes, in order to remove some of your hurt, counselors will tell you it's not you. That's not very helpful. It is you. Howver, it's much easier to fix if it's you, than if it's the other person, so that's a plus.

Inappropriate Responses
One if the issues I’ve continually noticed with people that are friendless is their capacity for saying things that are completely inappropriate to the situation. You say to them, “How are you?” They reply with, “My name is Sonia and I just bought a dress that for $184.00. Do you think I paid too much?”

Um, yes.

Your response didn’t answer the question. The question was, “How are you.” The correct answer is, “I’m fine. How are you?”

While this may seem simplistic, to varying degrees, and in many different situations, there is this incongruence in conversation. People find it very difficult and uncomfortable to connect with those who do this.

Probably the reason you are doing this is a lack of experience speaking to people and a lack of exposure to the conversations of other people. Another reason is a latent learning disability. A latent learning disability means that you don’t learn social skills through experience and exposure. You will need to establish how you learn and begin to learn social skills.

It will also help if you begin to role play. Pretend someone has said something to you, then think of a logical response that exactly answers their question. Also begin to realy listen to what people are saying and give logical responses to their input. A good disability counselor can help you to role play in the way that normal conversations take place.

People with latent learning disablities (a non academic learning disability) battle to make friends easily. They can have real difficulties with social niceties. Friendship is difficult for them until they learn how to make friends.

Over Long Responses.
Another mistake the friendless make is to speak long past the sell-by date has expired. I once had a brother-in-law who could speak for 45 minutes without stop, and it never occurred to him that we weren’t having a conversation. Needless to say, he didn’t last long in my life. Conversations are shared things. That means each gets an equal turn.

Essentially, never speak for more than a minute! And don’t respond to someone else unless you’ve been truly listening and understand what is being spoken about or asked about. If the person is a skilled conversationalist, they will also be brief in their response to you. If they’re just as bad as you are, they will talk for ten minutes and never let you get a word in edge ways. There’s no reason to stick around. The blind can’t teach the blind. Make your excuses and go practice on someone who knows how to keep a conversation going. Ideally think of conversation as the ball in a tennis match. It’s always somewhere between the two, and it never stays with either of the players long.

Again, when one has a learning disability, making friends takes a bit more effort. However, it's more than possible. There are two important factors involved. The first is to learn to listen really deeply to what the other person is saying. The second is to have a solid grasp of the kind of topics that most people speak about (and that can change from day to day - so make friends with google trends).

Inappropriate Content
When trying to make friends, some topics just aren’t appropriate. Your last love affair, your latest pay raise, the way you hate the opposition political party, which make toy ducks you play with in the bath, the operation you had to have your xxx removed, or the joke that made you laugh hysterically when you were four years old.

When meeting someone new, the best topics are probably those that brought you together like a work meeting or an interest group. Alternatively, if you’ve just met at a coffee shop, do a quick look on Google Trends and see what’s trending. If the object of the conversation doesn’t know about it, it’s an impersonal issue and there is no offence.

When having conversations with people that are not close friends, stick to the impersonal. “What a lovely day?” “Thundering out there. Do you like it?” “Chilly, isn’t it?” And keep the entire conversation impersonal and interesting. Again, if you don’t know what to speak about, check out Google trends. Or speak about movies, or anything that is a common interest to most people.

People with various degrees of Attention Deficit Disorder, which is part of the Autistic Spectrum, can find it difficult to differentiate between what is an appropriate topic an what is not. The best way to find out is to ask a counselor. Take the time to find a counselor that understands ADD and other learning disabilities. The normal clinical psychologist isn't much good at this. Another option, if you're a reader, find a book that is specific to this. The book, "Hanging by a Twig" is a fantastic read.

After the First Meeting - Keeping Friends
Many of the rules don’t change once you meet up again. Remember, you're still in the early stages of making friends. Conversations still have to make logical sense. You still have to respond appropriately. And there are topics that will be off limits until they are broached in an organic way. For something to be organic, it means that it happened without any effort to get there. It just evolved. That is the way all friendships happen. They cannot be forced. Learning how to keep friends is learning the process of allowing relationships to evolve organically and to be in step with the other person.

Keep Mutual Interests in the Forefront
If you’ve battled to make and keep friends, then for a while, the best thing to do is focus on the mutual interests. You both like comic-con. Speak about that. You both like free verse? Then speak about that. You both like ice cream. Eat once a week, otherwise you put on pounds.

Mentioning ADD
Ironically, it has been my experience in life that birds of a feather flock together. Invariably, people who are attracted to each other share a lot of the same characteristics. So, probably a month or two into the friendship, you might want to mention that you have ADD. You might be surprised to find that your friend has a similar condition. The reason that this happens is that people who have ADD have slower brainwave rhythm. They tend to think in Alpha rhythms (which makes them more creative) rather than Beta rythms. Amazingly, people with similar brain rythms seem to find each other without knowing it consciously!

Don’t Crowd Your New Friend
Don’t call your new friend all the time. I once met someone whom I really liked. Within 24 hours I knew there were problems. She called me the moment she got home, and the moment she woke up the next day. She spoke to me for hours. Then the next day she called me to ask if she could come around in the evening. I said no. She arrived half an hour later in tears…

Don’t make your loneliness and need for others the problem of the other person. Rather focus on making another friend. Repeat the exercise with other people. Have half a dozen friends so that you never are a burden to friends.

Learning To Be Fun
You’ll be amazed how easy it is to have fun with someone once you just relax, listen, and respond appropriately. A connection forms between people. The more interests and values you share, the more fun it is. You don’t even have to party together. Just meeting for the day, wondering around, speaking about a million things, is truly fun. How to make friends is a good thing to know how to do. And I bet after understanding the process of making friends, you will eventually reach a point where you connect with people very easily! And it really doesn't matter if you have Attention Deficit Disorder or any other learning disability, friendship is for everybody!